Summer Start

Dustin and I planted tomato plants last night. 

The evening was stunningly beautiful. Granted I had to put on a sweatshirt, but it was one of those evenings in which I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. 

We are living in the same place we moved to in the summer of 2011, around the time this blog was becoming obsolete because of the lack of internet. In the last eight years, we've built a chicken coop, a play set, took a couple trees down, put up a swing, re-graveled the driveway, built an extra bedroom, remodeled the sun room, and figured out how to get good internet.  

I've loved it and I've hated it at various times, but last night was a "loved it" night. It was picturesque, with the setting sun, the wide, open spaces, the cats meandering about, the tree swing hanging comfortably like it was its own little person, breathing in the peaceful day. 

An evening of home. 

Dustin was not planning on a garden this year, but I insisted, and since I insisted, I felt I should probably go outside and help with the planting and watering.

The girls were inside playing video games, and while it could be considered a tragedy to miss this evening, we let them play. It had been a long day of dentist appointments, shopping, and swimming, and they deserved to spend the time as they wished.

We have another full day today. But this marks the close of our first week of summer. I'm thankful for the rest and peace we all have received this week. For the chances to play outside. For the chances to rearrange. For the chances to play with friends. For the victories. For the extra time to get projects done I've been trying to do for months. For the extra time to play paddle ball and swim and sit at Homer Lake and watch movies.

It's going to be a great summer.     

Now what do I do?

Last Monday marked our first day of summer break. 

So I kind of sat there, like, "Now what do I do?" And I'm not sure I did much of anything other than sweep up the dog hair. 

(Yes, we have a dog now! Her name is Leia; she was a Christmas present for Luke. She's a super cute purebred Pembroke Welsh Corgi, and other than her world-champion shedding abilities, she's a great dog. I highly recommend them. Unless you don't want to clean dog hair every minute. Then probably get a totally different dog.)

Then Tuesday came, and after I vacuumed the dog hair, I said, "Now what?" So we got some frozen pizzas (and a sandwich for Lara, who is suddenly unable to stomach dairy) and sat down to a movie at lunchtime. 

By Wednesday, I was done with summer break and thinking maybe a school routine is the best after all.  There were some behavioral issues, about which Dustin said the cure was a project. "Like what?" I asked. "Rearranging or organizing," he replied. And he was right on the money. Lara and I completely rearranged her bedroom, which lifted her spirits considerably. Now I know blogging about bedroom rearranging is completely not interesting, but nonetheless, take my word on this: if you keep asking, "Now what do I do?" just move around some furniture and you'll be as right as rain.

After lunch, I did a 45 minute physical therapy session with Lara, followed by a yoga session with Claire. 

(Last winter, Lara had surgery to correct symptoms of cerebral palsy. It was hard, traumatic, and I don't really like to talk about it, but she is doing great now. We have to still work hard on physical therapy, but after being stressed from all the driving to appointments and not being comfortable with our therapist, I decided I would do the hard work at home. We are much happier now. Or at least less stressed.)

The evening was filled with a visit from our wonderful friends. 

Today is Thursday, so now what do I do?       

   

We're Back

Hello, friends, it's been a minute.

The girls and I were talking in Lara's room a few nights ago, feeling bored and restless as bedtime neared. I had an idea then to read some of these blog posts. I took us back to 2009, 2012, 2007, etc., all the while the girls laughed and guffawed at their silly baby antics from years past. They asked me to continue writing in the blog; don't give it up, they pleaded, this window into the past.

I realized then that it has been 3 years since I last wrote in this blog. I gave it up mostly because our internet is so crappy here in the country. But also, I became more and more disinclined to share so readily the happenings of our little family. I was feeling a huge need for space and grace from some while desiring a closer connection with others, who, after reading a post would feel like they had just sat down with me over a cup of tea though we hadn't actually spoken in many months.

But now the purpose of this blog is for my children. It is, in fact, their window into the past. I will write with the expectation that they will read this in future years. They will reminisce, and there will never be a doubt that while our family grew up and got ready for the real world, we lived lives to the hilt.

So here we are in the year 2019. The girls were in a play last weekend called "Tik-Tok of Oz." They are theater girls now! Lara has taken the stage by storm, winning three awards from our theater company: Best Juvenile Actress and Best Supporting Juvenile Actress. Claire had been nominated in two categories, Best Supporting Juvenile Actress and Best Ensemble. What is most important is that the girls absolutely love the theater. They look forward to every practice and every performance with excitement and joy. When they ask to audition for the next play, I simply cannot say no.

We wrapped up our homeschooling year. Lara (12) finished 6th grade and Claire (10), 4th. It was, overall, a good year. I could have asked for better. But am thankful for the victories we achieved. I can say with assurance still, after 7 years of homeschooling, that I love having the children home with me. I want them close to me always. Even when I greatly desire freedom.

And Luke is cute. He is three. He has turned our worlds upside down, topsy-turvy. This little rambunctious ball of red-headed sweetness (and also pure menace) who has just now asked for someone to sit down with him and read him a story.

The children are waking, so I'm off to make breakfast on this cloudy, rainy day. 

Why We Won't Buy Clothes for Easter

Okay, so this post is going to offend a lot of people. Stop reading if you are offendable or prideful (which I am, so no judgement here). Also, I am NOT NOT NOT writing this post to make anyone feel bad. I want to write this post to encourage us to think outside the box, to grow a little past the confines of our society's blunders with Christian holidays.

It was a couple of years ago. I was feeling stressed out. Easter was fast approaching, and that meant buying the girls new dresses, new shoes, clean tights, candy, gifts, and so on. Now, I love shopping, but not when I HAVE to. Not when I HAVE to spend money on Easter dresses that are priced way too high, for example, and when my girls already have lots of dresses. And then there's me. I don't really like to wear white, flowery, springy kinds of clothes. I like dark, simple and sophisticated. But I think I read in a hymn book somewhere that you aren't supposed to wear black on Easter Sunday, so that means I have to go buy some silly, frilly thing that (God, forbid) only goes to my knees. And mothers understand: what the family wears on Easter must match, right? Because you'll be taking the family Easter pictures by that tree in your front yard and posting it on Facebook. Because you'll be with other family having a nice, big dinner. Because on this day some thousands of years ago, Jesus rose from the dead, and we must honor this special day. Simply put, on Easter, you have to look good. Real good. (Also keep in mind that I grew up a preacher's kid in a very traditional church setting. The preacher's family has to look real good.) 

So I was standing in the girls' bedroom, staring out the window at the gorgeous spring day, thinking, "What to do?" Draw some extra money out of the bank for all these new clothes...

Then it hits me. Why would I do this? Jesus was my offering. Jesus conquered death. He did not do these things so I could buy fancy clothes to show off on Easter. He did not preach on love and compassion and giving so I could spend a lot of my money on Easter clothes, when there are starving children, impoverished widows, hurting veterans, babies with no mommies. It hit me like a ton of bricks. 

We have nice clothes. We have a nice house. We don't usually have enough food, but that's because I don't have a grocery store in my back yard. If we did, we would have a lot of food. We have A LOT of stuff. We spend money on frilly stuff (like when I bought my baby a onesie with a bow tie on it for his baby dedication). So I'm not condemning myself and others for having nice things, though it is something I am trying really hard to work on: giving more, buying less, simplifying. But at least for this one day in the year, when Jesus himself brought light and life, I can reflect that.  

Friends, just think about it. Take a step back and ponder. WHY are you stressing and buying nice clothes for this one day in the spring, and is it really in line with the purpose of God? Are you doing it for God or for others? WHAT IF you took that money and blessed a poor family with a nice Easter lunch? Or bought a dress for a little girl that has just a few clothes items? What if we really celebrated Resurrection Sunday?  

WHAT IF?  

Homeschooling with a Newborn

Last week was our first week back at school after our Christmas break. I really didn't want to. Neither did Lara. We were both feeling performance-anxiety. I know people (myself included) say things about how homeschooling can be a whenever or whatever thing. Like, Hey we made a cake, so there was math! But when all is said and done, I just don't follow that philosophy (not with a 1st and 3rd grader, but it's good for younger ages). It's great if you do, I don't mean to say that's wrong; it's just not the way my personality as a teacher operates. I like schedules, teacher's manuals, worksheets laid out the night before, that sort of thing. I carry around binders and clipboards and look for the process in it all.

So I was concerned I wouldn't be able to keep up with all this and a baby and life in general. I managed at the beginning when Luke just kind of slept and nursed all the time, and I just got cozy in the rocking chair in the school room (because I had to hold him 22.75 hours out of a day). Now, though, he has set nap routines which take me away for a lot of short bursts of time (because he sleeps in his bed, yay!). I felt like I was just consumed with keeping the baby in a routine, because it kept him a lot happier. So I wasn't sure I could manage anymore.

Lara was feeling anxious because she doesn't like deadlines and timelines. When I say school starts at 8:30am on the dot, she feels tense about that. She feels that she has to get up right away and get ready right away and rush around (you other-school moms would love her!). My schedule just kind of stresses her out. (Claire, on the other hand, just sits in her bathrobe at breakfast for like an hour, with no sense of motivation or pressure; love it).

I decided to let go of the pressure (though it is healthy to have some amount of pressure in homeschooling). When we started back up on Monday, I shrugged my shoulders and said, We will just start when we're all ready. I also read a great article about getting back into the swing of things by making things really cozy and doing a lot of reading on the couch. So once I got the baby down for a nap, I lit some candles, made some cups of hot tea, and warmed up the kitchen (we often do school in there in the winter because the schoolroom is too chilly).

I recently received an email asking about what my curricula is, so I thought I'd include that information here as well:
Math: Saxon. I really like it a lot, though I'm finding it has worked a lot better for my oldest than my youngest (but my youngest is just not as quick with math in general either).
Grammar: First Language Lessons. Very simple, no preparation needed. (My oldest struggles with grammar, and my youngest flies through the lessons in no time.)
Handwriting: We just do copywork. I get various workbooks (Zaner-Bloser is good) and just set them to it.
Reading: When they were little, we used _Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons_. Now that we are through it, I just read aloud to the girls: award-winning books (currently reading _The Island of the Blue Dolphins_), Bible stories, devotions (_Jesus Calling for Kids_), and missionary tales from the book _Hero Tales_. Also, they are required to do 30 minutes of "book basket" time. I head to the library and get a ton of books that go along with our science and geography lessons and put them all in a basket. Claire and I will sit down and read through books together. Dustin usually reads to the girls before bed, and Lara has her own fun reading, so a lot of reading happens in our house.
Science and Geography: My Father's World. I love it. This year we are focusing on countries and cultures. We've been traveling all over the world in our reading, painting, writing, and studying. For science, we're learning about biomes and different species of animals that inhabit those areas. This is our first year to try out MFW. I wanted a God-centered curriculum as well as a unit that was already planned out, since I knew I would be busy with the baby. I'm not a fan of their Bible lessons, which I can tell not a lot of thought went into it and it doesn't tie in with the rest of the curriculum. So I do skip it and we read our devotions instead.
Art and Music: I devise my own art lessons. When we were in Mexico, we used oil pastels to draw a large Diego Rivera mural. We took lessons from Romero Britto of Brazil and did some fun pop art. As for music, the curriculum comes with a CD that includes songs from different countries that we listen to. Otherwise, I need to get the girls in some lessons.

I also really like projects that combine all the elements. I will have Lara do a letter report about every other week. Basically, she pretends she is going on a trip, and she writes a letter to someone about the place she is going. She has written a letter to her friend Maria about her upcoming trip to the Amazon (we were studying the rainforest while in South America), and she has also written a letter to her Nana about traveling to Norway.  Lara writes the letter in cursive and she uses all the appropriate grammar rules of writing a letter. She reads the books from the Book Basket and jots down important information in a notebook to include later in her letter.

The truth is, I have always been the sort of homeschooling parents who just wants to get it done. Start and don't stop, finish by lunch, and the rest of the day is free. But this is just not possible with a little baby in the house. And that's okay. Actually, taking our lessons at a slow and easy pace has made everything much more enjoyable.

 So like I said, once the baby was down for his morning nap, I made some cups of hot tea and we first set down to do some math review. I worked with both girls simultaneously on their math worksheets. Since I knew I would have some uninterrupted time, I wanted to use that for math. After that, once Luke woke up and it was time for me to nurse him, that would be our reading time on the couch. Because Luke is really good-natured, I can then usually just lay him down on his activity mat or put him in the swing and work on another subject. When I have to take him upstairs for naps, the girls will work on their handwriting or an art assignment or a math drill or Lara will do her spelling.

Luke usually just naps 30 minutes at a time, with a 2-hour nap somewhere in the day. During that 2-hour nap, I usually work on getting supper set up.

Typically when I am nursing Luke the second time around, Claire and I will sit on the couch and read together. She still has a ways to go in her reading.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are plenty of times I just can't keep going with school. Which is why we don't finish up until close to 3pm now, whereas before we were done at 12:30pm. But that's okay. I always do get it done by the end of the week and it's a great accomplishment to see all my checked-off boxes.

Tomorrow starts a brand new week of school. I didn't get organized this weekend, I was just too tired.

But as long as you have a book and a paper and pencil, you have all you need.

2015-2016

It was recently brought to my attention that today is the last day of 2015 (yep, there's a baby in the house).

I really have been wanting to reflect and write about this past year, especially as it was a bit of a doozy. I started so many times, but never finished. I realized that inability to finish reflects where I am in processing the lessons and changes I've gone through this past year: I'm simply not done yet.

I was thrown through some loops this year. I started the year off recovering from an ectopic pregnancy, which was painful in a myriad of ways. Then found myself pregnant again, quite suddenly. Great lessons learned there. Dustin and I had to make a really, really hard decision about church. After months of prayer, discussions, fighting, and reflecting, I think God had enough and pushed us closer to where we need to be. That was also painful in a myriad of ways.  Awkward relationship situations threw me for lots of loops, and a new thought occurred to me: how do you forgive someone for the future? When you know how you will be treated by someone forevermore, how do you forgive that? Oh, and such great, freeing lessons learned there.

But, look: I have this brand new baby, and he has brought so much joy and life to us, again. I gave him the middle name of Watchman, because that was a big lesson I've learned over the last year: Watch for the Lord, wait for Him, He is always working and planning. He came once and He will come again, and we will see it, and we will shout for joy.

(By the way, it's totally cool whenever people ask me about his name. They assume it's a family name, and in a way, it is. Christians are the family of Watchmen. But then I can explain the verse to people, and I never know if they are Christians, but they always respond with, "Wow, I like that, that's really cool.")

Also, I'm totally excited about where God is leading our family. I think over the last few years, I've been trying to control everything. I'd been trying to get involved in ways maybe God hadn't planned for me, I was trying to get involved with people who maybe God hadn't planned for me, I'd been trying to find a place that I fit in and it's maybe not what God had planned for me. For us. And now I'm disoriented, like when I get all turned around in town and think North is South, but then when I figure it out, it's like, "Oh, I get it! Here I am!" And that's a little bit of how I feel right now, and I'm excited about it. But I'm still on the journey. The journey of just letting go and letting God. Sorry for the cliche just then.

Plus, weirdly enough, lately there have been some people who I feel are sort of asking to be with me on my journey. And after what I've been through, I'm kinda looking at them like, "Um, why??" But that is exciting to me too, because I wonder if that's another piece of the puzzle, or an arrow pointing me down the right street.

Anyway, this is all I can write for now. My life is too full for more. I welcome 2016 with open arms and an open heart for what God is going to do in my life. I pray He will use me to change a little something, to make something a little better, and I don't know what that will look like, and I don't care.

I'm just a part of God's story. Waiting and watching.

Doing great here in the country.  Been very busy with the newborn and the holidays.  Luke is on a pretty good "schedule." The girls and I are on a much welcomed homeschooling break.

Illinois is having a mild winter so far and I'm grateful, though snow is pretty and has a silencing effect on the soul.

We are gearing up for Christmas. Which basically just involves throwing gifts in boxes,  sticking bows,  throwing under tree.  Dustin has done most of the shopping, but Lara and I did manage some sans-baby shopping yesterday. She so badly wanted to get Claire a gift with her own money.  So sweet.

Last week,  we stopped by the Christmas party at our church.We left the party early to do a service project that involved sorting food for needy children.  The girls stayed busy and really enjoyed the work.

On Sunday, we had a family Christmas celebration with Dustin's side of the family. It was a really nice time,  and especially enjoyable with all the new little babies in town!  The girls decorated Christmas cookies,  we had a big feast  (though very short since I had to nurse the baby), and opened presents.

I hope to write a more involved post later.  I've started several and can't seem to finish.  Story of my beautiful life.