Bath time, and an Epiphany.

We'll start off with the heavier issues today, and end on a lighter note.
First, I have started watching "Parenthood." I really like it because it is about...parenthood. There is such a wide range of character development among the children and grandchildren that any parent can identify with some crucial aspect in the show. I pretty much tear up with every episode because there is a struggle with which I can so truly identify.

Here is a current struggle. You see, I always tell people that Lara is a mini-me. I know how she thinks and what her feelings are about. I mean, most parents do, but I really, really know. I can look at Lara and know that her tears are based on something I had said to her 4 hours ago, and have nothing to do with the fact that she just fell down and scraped her hand. Lara and I have an uncanny bond, and it's basically because we are twins.

Suddenly, all the hurt and pain and suffering I experienced over the years, I see it all happening, again, to this absolutely fantastic little girl. And, like all good parents, I want to shield her from everything, protect her sensitive heart from the stupidity of this world. I make a very big deal out of very little things. Like the Grump Girl in Lara's Sunday School class who is rude to her. Suddenly, I KNOW, without a doubt, that Lara is going to grow up into that girl who is sweet and nice and gets along well with the majority, but will be treated poorly by the Grumps and the Snarkys because of her sweetness, and she won't do anything to stand up for herself because she is too sweet. And then I realize,"oh, wait, that was ME." That was me, when I was in high school, and it was just one girl, who was always Grumpy, but seemingly more rude to me than others, during that first year of high school when I was making all new friends. My hurt about that friend came back to me, and I found myself wanting to just keep her out of the SS class. I grew up with some wonderful friends, and also had to deal with really bad friends. I want to protect Lara from them.

So this has been a struggle for me. And here is what I heard on Parenthood, when Sarah (Lauren Graham) was explaining something to her daughter:
"You know, when you have kids, if you have kids, there's something you should know--very confusing thing they don't tell you. You see so much of yourself in them. You see your ironic take on the world. You see your smile, your walk, your sense of humor, whatever--and you think they're you but they're not you and they shouldn't have all of your baggage and your fear and your insecurity and your life experience because that's not fair--they have their own."

Wow. I mean, really. Does God talk to people through secular TV shows? :) I will always try to protect Lara, but ultimately, my job as her mother is to teach and guide her through the crappy things, if she'll let me. I need to let Lara grow into the person she is meant to become without letting my fears and insecurities creep in and extinguish her flame. My job is to say (again quoting from the same conversation):

I’m so proud, and I’m so impressed, and I’m so… in awe of you. And I want you to just go out there and… fly. You can fly.”

That is what I want to say to both of my daughters! Even when I am really worried and doubtful about their decisions, or see a bad habit being repeated in the next generation, or think they are about to embark on something they can't handle, I really just want to say: I'm so in awe of you! You can fly.

*********Bath Time************