Zoning out...

Whenever I get too tired to think and move, I find myself sitting on the couch with my laptop, just clicking buttons, reading blogs, surfing the internet. It's mindless work for me, which is nice sometimes when you've been wiping snotty noses all day, making a trillion phonecalls to cancel appointments ("sorry, sick baby"), doing the dishes and making lunch one-handed while a fussy baby sits on one hip. Today, it was 10am and I already felt exhausted. I slept 8 hours the night before and woke up feeling quite rested, so I think this says something.

Most of the stress comes from those tiny crevices in my mind that feel too narrow for me to think things through appropriately. Today, I couldn't figure out how to do it all-go to Springfield for therapy, buy groceries, and go to a prayer meeting at church. Make sure Lara gets in her naps. Take a shower, but time it just right because Lara is scared of the blow-dryer. Dustin has helped me develop a mentality that if it's too stressful, let something go. I actually DON'T have to do everything. Life actually DOESN'T have to run in perfect order. So I call and cancel therapy. I opt to forgo the prayer meeting. I'll get groceries tonight when Lara's in bed. I'll take a shower when I start to smell (okay, not really).

I am a mom first, and Lara always comes first. It's much more important that I am taking care of my sick daughter than anything else. It feels very strange because I am ripping away that American mindset that believes you are supposed to be really productive and always busy.

Ah, well, that's okay. Today, I've taken everything off the agenda...except the doctor's. Lara's developed a cough, so we're going to get it checked out. We are going to rest, watch the snow, and read lots of books.