So as to not paint too much of a pretty picture...

Things are still going well here in the Copass house, and Claire continues to be a pretty easy baby. It's amazing to me that I can lay her down on the floor, and she will be so content...she'll just look around, bright-eyed and happy. she only fusses when she is tired, hungry, gassy, or needs a diaper change. it is amazing to me that i can change her diaper, and she will calm right down. after having had a colicky baby the first time around, it's like, ''Wait, that's it? No more fussies? That's seriously all it took??" She's very easy to read and even makes a specific cute little sighing noise whenever she is tired.

On the flip side, I don't sleep. Oh, Claire does. Last night, she woke up just twice, but inbetween times, she grunted, sighed, and squirmed her heart out. Claire is not a deep sleeper at night. And all these noises really keep me awake. I have considered moving her into her own room, but the wall that separates her room from Lara's is paper-thin, and I think Lara might just end up waking up. Lara was up this morning at 5, as she heard Claire. I told her to go back to bed, and she said, "It's not dark out!" "I know, but it is still bedtime."

So as not paint such a pretty picture of my life with two girls, let me tell you about my day yesterday. It seriously ended with me having a nice, big cry in the shower. Lara would not take a nap. No biggie, she was happy and energetic, so I let it go. She stayed in her room and Claire slept a solid 2.5 hours. But when Lara came out, she decided to be as disobedient as possible. I could tell it was becoming a fun game for her, to test my limits by not listening to me. Dustin has been encouraging me to crack down on this, and I should have listened to him long ago. While trying to put Claire down for a nap, I was putting Lara in time-out after time-out. I know what some people may want to say to me, but I refuse to spank Lara. I am not against spanking at all, and yesterday, I definitely wished a time or two that Lara wasn't so gentle and tender-spirited so I COULD spank her! Lara's personality is much too sensitive for spanking, and it simply won't be done. Anyway, the night ended with Claire missing her early evening nap and Lara going to bed withOUT her security blanket. I never felt overwhelmed with the experience, but my tears came from empathy. I HATE disciplining Lara. It breaks my heart to listen to her cry when she is in time-out or doesn't have her special blanket. I feel like such a mean mommy. I hate it when I have to raise my voice a little so she will take me seriously, or when I have to be stern with her. I hate it when she gets so happy and excited to get a special treat, then I immediately take it away from her because she didn't behave right. I completely hate it. But I know that I have to do it, because it is more important to me that Lara grows up the right way...I just hope I am growing her up the right way. The best of intentions don't mean anything when you are a parent.

There was more I was going to write, but it's 8am, and that's our wake-up time!! Time to start another day! Dustin is trying to push me out of the house today so I can shop (for some reason, I have virtually no summer clothes). We'll see how my energy holds up. Or, rather, how I hold up without any.