I am 29. I realize, very well, that when I am 50, there will be a lot of things that I wish I could go back and fix, or do differently. That is just a part of life. I'm okay with that. Except when it comes to my children. Man, I really wish I could know everything now that I need to know about being a good parent. First of all, children deserve smart parents. Second, it would relieve me of a lot of mental stress. Third....I just really don't want to be aNOTher parent whose children go through their adult life thinking a)I'm screwed up this way because of my parents or b) I must do everything differently than my parents as they were nobjobs. But, mostly, it's because we want our children to grow up strong, healthy, and generally happy.
This is why, in the end, I don't care so much about advice regarding how to get your baby to sleep through the night or the right way to change a diaper. But I love to read things from seasoned parents who are so honest about their regrets, and have suggestions that just make sense. Here are some pointers I read recently that I love (from Reggie Joiner).
Listen more, talk less.
(I can’t count the college students who tell me they don’t feel like their parents ever really listened.)
Don’t “send” your kids to bed, put them in bed.
(You only have a short window of time when they are young enough to want you to tuck them in.)
Ask better questions.
(Learn to shift from performance questions to heart questions.)
Guard Saturdays to create family traditions.
(There are a little over 350 Saturdays between the time your kids are 1st grade and when they become teenagers, then Saturdays change forever.)
Don’t sign up your kids for everything.
(We tend to make our kids experientially rich, but relationally poor.)
Play games.
(Have fun together, build memories playing board games or card games, etc.)
Don’t take things too serious.
(What you think matters right now, will probably not matter as much as you think it does later. What does matter is what you communicate during stressful or dramatic moments.)
Never punish anyone relationally.
(Don’t withdraw your relationship to make someone feel bad for something they have done wrong.)
Do chores together.
(Kids who work with their parents have a better work ethic and tend to be more responsible.)
Say “I love you” everyday.
(It’s just a healthy habit you can never start to early.)
Apologize often.
(You might as well admit when you do something wrong, everyone knows it anyway.)
In other news, Claire is walking a lot more. It's more quality than quantity right now. But it's all her; she does it because she wants to and not because she is prompted. Talking is increasing, which is a pain when she wakes up from her nap, saying, "Shhhhhsssssshhhh!" "SSSShhhhsssshhh" which is her sound for juiCE. :D Now I have two demanding girls. She has put two words together. "Hi, Kitty" which is just really cute.
Lara is really growing up. She talks all the time; I mean, really, she doesn't stop. And you are supposed to always listen to her. Reading is going great; she is comprehending it more and will try to teach it to Claire or her dolls. She is a really good girl. Many of Lara's friends and family have started school this fall, and Lara asked to go with them.
That's it for now; I need a nap during the girls'.
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