That morning, I woke up cranky. I have officially hit my due date. This is okay. Baby will come when baby is ready. But I have had so few contractions (maybe one Braxton Hick a day) and no cramping, and this makes me feel like I'm not doing something I should be doing to get labor going. Logically, I know this is not true. No amount of walking or eating pineapple is going to get labor going. Physical activity will help the baby move down, sure, but really you just have to wait for all the hormones to kick in. I don't want to be induced. I am not afraid of being induced. It will go quickly and it will be fine. I just really want everything to happen naturally. We induced with Claire at 41 weeks. I feel like I miss out on something special when I can't just go in on my own (which I did with Lara). It's not a big deal; I never really thought about it until I got pregnant again. Oh, well. In the meantime, like I wrote before, all this down time is helping me keep up with things around the house and get even more ready for the baby.
SO, because I was so cranky, I decided I really needed to get out of the house and get my mind off things. We went to town and did a little shopping on Halloween morning. I picked up some fabric for the girls to make a blanket for the baby. And I bought some pineapple, but I haven't eaten it yet. Then I took a nice nap when I got home, and when I woke up, the girls and I filled their Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes. Then off to Trick-or-Treating.
Another reason I am cranky is because when I just hang around at home all day, I have a tendency to focus too much on my problems. Sometimes you need a good focus to figure things out. But my current problems simply require grace, forgiveness, and moving on.
But I did get out yesterday and started a new project, and it made me feel a lot better. Lara said she could tell I was in a much better mood when we got home.
It takes time, and I really need to just focus on prayer for healing, protection, and guidance. I'm not sure that I've really handed this problem to God. I've been grasping it pretty tightly, trying to work it out on my own, and I think when you grasp so tightly to something, your hands aren't free to accept the blessings that are right before you. Which in this case, is a church family that I've been seeking for four years. When I walked into the building, it literally felt like I was welcomed back home, that I had just been gone for awhile. And my good friends who listen, just listen, and then just say, "I'm sorry." And the awesome, amazing, joy of a sweet little baby to add to my wonderful family.
I've talked to Dustin about it. We had a lot of marital issues because we were on very different pages about church for awhile. We're okay, don't be alarmed. But recently, Dustin opened the trash can to find his favorite pair of shorts squished inside. These shorts are old, with lots of rips and holes, etc., and they should have been thrown away 9 years ago. When he complained about me throwing them away, I said, "Hon, I'm sorry, but you just have to let the shorts go. You gotta just move on." And he responded by jokingly saying, "Okay, I'll make you a deal. I'll move on from my shorts and you move on from the church." Easier said than done, but a lesson there anywa
Drop it and grasp your blessings.
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These days, I'm finding that it's almost taboo to have cervical checks done when you are nearing your due date, and I've been disappointed to hear some women given grief when they choose to be checked (this has not happened to me). At first, I said I wouldn't have them done this time (actually, I said that with Claire too). I then changed my mind, basically for the same reason the doctors want to check: I just want to know the state my pregnancy-anatomy is in. I realize it doesn't indicate when labor will start (my goodness, I was 8cm/95% effaced with Claire and still no labor, so I know this better than most), but I do think it indicates how fast I should drive to the hospital, how long I should wait at home, or if I should just sit like a homeless person outside the hospital doors. Actually, we induced with Claire at 41 weeks, because it was just too risky to go home being that far along. I mean, maybe a better, stronger woman would deal with it, but not me!
As of last week, I was 5 and 80%. This garnered surprised reactions from people, but I shrugged my shoulders, because, really, for me, 5 is nothing. This probably indicates a fast delivery, though, so hallelujah for that.
Anyway, lighten up people, it's really not a big deal. ;) Like, world hunger, that's a big deal.
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